Oh, The Places You'll Go


Note to self:

Things not to do to your best friend:

1. Fall in love.

2. Tell him his football/baseball/basketball/curling team is a lost cause.

3. Provide any less than 100% support for a marriage you know is DOOMED.

4. Vomit over his shoes when all he's trying to do is get you home safely.

5. Teach his son to swear in most official languages plus Esperanto and Klingon.

6. Undermine him at work.

7. Draw attention to the geometrical shape of his head.

8. Stick your tongue down his throat after a night on tequila.

9. Tell him.

10. Really.

11. Don't.

Four Legs Are Better Than Two

Growing up, Einstein was Dan's shadow. If there was trouble, guaranteed both would be in it. Einstein showed Dan a gap in the hedge to wriggle through to escape from David's teasing and Dan's father's disapproval.

When Dan was eleven, Einstein went to live on a farm. Dan could never understand why he wasn't allowed to visit.

Charlie wasn't allowed a pet – Lisa was allergic – so he invented a cat. Schroder hated mice and loved shiny paper. Sometimes, alone at night, Charlie wished for fur and warmth and a soft purr.

The day he left home he bought a kitten.

What the Butler Saw

"Just good friends?" reads the caption.

There they are, in black and white: captured in perfect stillness for the world to see. Dark head resting against fair one, arms around each other's waists, so close you couldn't have fit a page of the tabloid between them.

"They're just dancing," says Kim. "Nothing wrong with that."

But there are memories of the times the two of them disappear, the secret looks they exchange, the way they work so well together. It all adds up.

When Natalie turns up for work that morning in Dana's gray cashmere sweater, all bets are off.

Contact Cat

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