Oh, The Places You'll Go

2015: Boy Meets Girl

Notes: revbiscuit asked for 2015 in my My Two Gay Dads year meme.

"I met a girl."

"You met a girl!"

"Her name is Mollie."

"Her name is Mollie!"

"I really like her."

"You really like her!"

"Danny, is there a reason you're repeating everything I say like you're hopped up on speed or something, or is this just part of your natural charm?"

"What? I can't be excited that my boy's met a girl? A girl called Mollie, no less. I'm putting you on speaker. Casey!"

"Don't put me on speaker. I hate speaker."

"I'm putting you on speaker."


"There. You're on speaker. Casey! Charlie met a girl."

"He did?"


"You did?"

"Hi, Dad. Yeah, I met a girl called Mollie."

"Mollie McCall. It has a nice ring to it."


"What? I'm only testing out options."

"You know, Casey, being a modern woman Mollie might want to keep her own surname."

"Er, Danny? Dad? We just met. Stop marrying me off already."

"Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, don't you know that when the McCall's fall, they fall hard? Admittedly they might then fail to say anything about it for, oh, twelve years or so but they are definitely not half-hearted. Ouch! Casey, that hurt. Charlie, did I mention the McCall's were prone to mild domestic violence?"


"He really likes her."

"He really does."

"I'm thinking about liking her too. Does she like sports?"


"Strike one for Mollie."

"Does she like you?"

"I think so, yes."

"And she hits the ball out of the park. A woman of great taste, our Mollie."

"When are you bringing her home? I'll bake."

"I thought you only baked when you were stressed, Danny."

"And you think it's not going to be stressful making a good impression on your future wife? Making sure Casey behaves himself has got to be worth a whole plate of kugel in itself."

"It's like having my own in house Jewish grandmother. Chin hairs included. What?"

"Will you quit it with the wife thing already? We've had, like, three dates. We're not picking out baby names."

"Three dates!"

"Three dates. You know what that means."

"I do. Do you think that's why he's calling us? Because he accidentally got poor, sweet Mollie knocked up?"

"Oh my god, you guys. I don't know why I even try."

"Because you love us, Charles. It's an affliction with no cure. Don't even try to fight it."

"Sorry, Charlie. If you bring her to meet us we promise to be on our best behavior. I'll only goose Danny a couple times and we won't bring out the baby pictures."

"The thing is ... seriously ... the thing is we only just met. But I really. Like her. She does this funny thing with her mouth when she smiles and it just. Kills me. God, and now I sound like a total sap but I've never. It's so new, you know?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I know."

"You can't begin to know how much I get you. Charlie, don't be afraid of your feelings. Don't ever be. I got lucky but I almost didn't. I let fear rule me for the longest time. You know that. You want her, go get her."

"And then bring her home so I can make her pie."

"I can do that."

"You can do that. And Charlie?"


"We love you, man."

"That's why I pay you the big bucks. G'bye."

"Take care, Charlie boy. Speak soon."

Click. Whirr.

At each end of the line, a McCall reaches out a hand and smiles.

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