Oh, The Places You'll Go

I Have This Senior Partner, Tony...

Notes: pennyplainknits told me to write Tim and Tony in the style of Charlie and Lola (children's picture books and TV series) and I found that was writing I could actually do! YAY!

Posted for the teeeeeeeeny Venn Diagram intersect of NCIS and Charlie and Lola fans out there.


I have this senior partner, Tony. He is tall and very annoying.

Tony does not like to do his busy work. He says, "I do not like to file case reports and I will not ever requisition more staples."

He says, "I am too busy being very important for updating evidence records. You do it, Probie."

He calls me Probie, even though he knows my name is Tim. This is only one reason why he is annoying.

I say, "But, Tony, busy work is important, you wouldn't want us to drown in paper, would you?"

Tony says, "If we drowned in paper I could make a boat from phone logs and paddle to safety. And if you asked nicely I'd save you, too."

I say, "Ziva has filed all her reports, look."

Tony says, "Ziva doesn't have to spend as much time being awesome as I do. It is slightly very difficult to be me, you know."

I sigh. "Tony," I say, "Don't you want to be finished before Gibbs comes back? If you're not done he'll give Abby all your pink milk."

"He gives her all the pink milk anyway," says Tony, twizzling on his chair and trying to balance a pencil on his nose.

He is right. I try to think of something else.

While I am thinking, Tony:

a) steals all my pencils
b) uses my secret stash of superglue, the pencils and a Victoria's Secret catalog to make a set of supermodels
c) makes them fight it out in a strange (and twisted) version of Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em

I think of something. I take the last two surviving pencil-models out of his hands.

"Hey!" he says.

"Listen," I say. "Your Mighty Mouse stapler is sad. It is sad because you won't use it to collate your evidence logs. It has only one reason for being and you are denying it." I pick up the stapler and hold it close to my face. I make a sad face and pet the stapler. "Poor Mighty Mouse," I say. "Doomed to dust and neglect. He will never know the sweet snap of staples again."

Tony looks thoughtful (or I think that's what he's trying to do) and grabs the stapler from me, cradling it to his chest.

"I am sorry, Mighty Mouse," he says to the stapler. "I promise to never ever avoid you again. You are my favorite and best."

He looks up at me and smiles. "Except for when Probie is." He picks up a wad of paper, shuffles it together and staples it.

I have this senior partner, Tony. He is tall and very annoying. Except for sometimes, when he isn't.


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