Oh, The Places You'll Go

A Whole Big Sucking Thing

Notes: Just a little thing that popped into my head. Beta by quiesce, bless her. Post series - so sort of spoilers for the end.


The door shuts with a bang. She's home. Shit, he must be running late. Guy gives his tie a last minute adjustment, runs his hands through his hair, takes a deep breath and heads downstairs at a run. It's only when he reaches out to grab the lock to open the door that he realises that there's something blocking the way. And that something is a tired-looking doctor with hair flattened on one side and sticking out at odd angles on the other and a puzzled expression on her face.

Guy pauses, arm outstretched over Caroline's shoulder, giving her a blast of his just-applied kills-all-known-germs-dead deodorant. She wrinkles her nose a little but doesn't flinch. Brave woman. She looks at him. Guy has the feeling he's not going to like this.

"Are you a vampire?" she asks.

"Yes," Guy answers a little too quickly. He has no idea why.

"Why haven't you bitten me, then?"

"Too scrawny."

"Guy." Caroline's chin is up and she's gripping his arm. Guy feels the familiar squirm in his stomach. If he were less of a man he'd yank his arm out of her grasp and run screaming into the night. If he were more of a man he might meet her eyes. Shame he's stuck with the exact amount of manhood he's got, then.

"Guy," Caroline repeats. "What's going on? You're taking all these night shifts. I come in, you go out. It's ships that pass in the night. A whole shippy, possibly yacht-related, thing. Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not." Guy summons up his powers of bluster. Honed over years he's quite proud of them — could reach the equivalent force of a minor hurricane given enough of a run up. Today, late for work and at the end of Caroline's frank gaze he's not sure if he can muster more than a stiff breeze.

"Avoiding. I'm not. I'm a vampire, like you said. Happened a few weeks back — unfortunate incident with a man with sharp teeth who took exception to me sticking a tube down his throat. Imagine my surprise when I started craving blood for breakfast and started smoking as soon as I stepped outside. Not cigarettes. The combustion kind." He draws breath. There's bluster and there's inane rambling. This is one of those times that Guy remembers that he shares genetic material with Martin Dear.

Caroline is still looking at him. God, she's expecting him to be honest. Couldn't he just get a rusty knife, cut out his heart and hand it to her on a plate? Wouldn't that be simpler? Guy lowers his head and then squints back up through his eyelashes. If she's slightly out of focus maybe he can pretend this is all a dream.

"Fine, yeah. I've been avoiding you. Because, I don't know, because everything was great, the three of us and then-" he doesn't need to fill in the blank. And Caroline doesn't need to be in focus for him to know there's a shot of pain darting through her dark eyes and her fingers grip that little bit tighter. "And I'm so glad he's not here to hear me say this, but the fucker's irreplaceable. It's ... difficult, being around you. I don't know how to. I don't know that you would even want me to." Guy's inner twat is ashamed at the girliness of that speech. Guy isn't. Surprisingly.

Caroline relaxes her grip, stroking his arm a little.

"And here was I thinking I was the glue that held us all together."

Guy pushes himself away and drops onto the stairs, leaning his head on the wall.

"You are. You were." He sighs and passes a hand over his eyes. "It's complicated. More Pritt Stick and Sellotape than Superglue."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know."

Caroline shakes her head at him. It's affectionate, Guy thinks, but his Caro-reader has been on the fritz lately. She walks into the kitchen, looking back over her shoulder and beckoning.

"Right. Come here," she says.

Guy thinks about making a break for it now that Caroline's moved away from the door. He follows her instead. Come on, what else was he going to do?

She's rustling in the vegetable rack muttering something about seeing something somewhere. Guy waits. Finally, Caroline straightens up, brandishing her trophy triumphantly. It's garlic. With a flourish she drops it into the bin and makes a show of washing her hands. Guy draws his eyebrows down. He's confused.

"Well?" asks Caroline with a hint of something in her voice. What is that? Excitement? Hope? Damn Mac for taking the Little Book of Caroline Translation away with him.

"Well what?" Guy's tone is guarded.

"I threw away the garlic."

"I saw. Have you developed some sort of allergy or are you mortally offended by the bulbous shape of the oh-" Guy rolls his head back as the light comes on.

"Oh," he repeats. "That."

"That," confirms Caroline.

Guy's about to take a step towards her when something occurs to him.

"I've got to go to work. Shit."

"I'll be here," says Caroline and Guy knows that she means she'll be waiting. In the bedroom. Potentially entirely naked. And, oh yeah, it looks like his Caroline-radar is crackling back into life. He smiles and turns to go.

"Guy?"

He turns back.

"Yeah?"

"Try to remember the transfusions go into the patients."

"Will do." He turns to go again.

"Guy?"

"You could get back quicker if you fly. I'll leave the bedroom window open."

"Huh?"

"Bat."

"Right." This time he gets as far as opening the door.

"Guy?" She's right behind him. How did she do that? Isn't it vampires that are supposed to move silently with super speed? Then again, what's the saying? Takes one to know one.

"If you're going to say 'bring me home a snack', it's really going to creep me out," he says. Caroline giggles and it does something strange and unmanly to Guy's insides.

"Just come home. Soon." She reaches up to kiss just under his ear. Try and keep him away.

"Stake my life on it," he says and grins as she pushes him out of the door.


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